i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
