found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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