Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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