Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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