I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
