dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
