Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i love accidental penises.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
