I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
