So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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