dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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