New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you made out with another girl for some wings
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm both gender and math confused
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
