I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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