I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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