Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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