im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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