So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
