They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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