And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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