fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
