Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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