he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
