some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
