I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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