New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
