dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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