You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
