sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
