and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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