he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
