I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
