Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
