my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
