don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
