Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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