is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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