So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize