ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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