i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
