I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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