Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
