I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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