just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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