found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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