I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
