3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your penis caused this!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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