we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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