I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
