I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
