This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize