After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
