I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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