I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
