I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
