in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
