Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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