I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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