this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
