My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
