so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
