i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
