overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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