Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
