Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
