Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think my tv is drunk
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Who died my cat blue again?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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