just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
