Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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