Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
