Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...

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(540): View more from Virginia

I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf

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(732): View more from New Jersey

last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back

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(410): View more from Maryland

I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.

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(951): View more from California

I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.

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(360): View more from Washington

Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it

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(470): View more from Georgia

I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?

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