I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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