In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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