It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
