What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
