Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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