Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
