He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
