just tell him i said nine months
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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